A Bleached Out Christmas Carol
by CoolLikeBowTies
Summary: “Who’d have thought the Christmas Carol ghosts were capable of premeditated murder?” a Bleach Christmas story.


**Wow. I'm writing a Bleach story and it has nothing to do with HitsuMatsu-ness.**

**I must be going nuts!**

**All well, what can you do?**

**Merry Christmas! Hope you enjoy.**

**Kinda hard to believe no one's thought of this before…**

**Disclaimer: don't own characters or **_**A Christmas Carol**_**. 'Kay, thanks, bye.**

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_**A Bleached Christmas Carol.**_

"Oh, well, gee! Look at the time!" Ichigo said, looking at his bare wrist. "Looks like you guys have to go!"

"Aww, so soon?" Matsumoto pouted, puffing her chest out slightly.

"Nonsense!" Isshin Kurosaki came bursting into the room, kicking his son out of the way. "You and all of Ichigo's friends can stay the night! It _is_ Christmas Eve after all!"

Rukia, Orihime, and Matsumoto all cheered, while Renji, Ichigo and Hitsugaya groaned. "Ohh…_goody_." Hitsugaya sighed, leaning into the couch. Matsumoto playfully slapped his arm.

"Don't think I like this either, Toshiro." Ichigo snapped. Hitsugaya glared at him angrily. Ichigo shrugged and stood up. "I guess I'll go get blankets for all of you…"

"Good idea, son!" Isshin smiled as he plopped onto the couch between Rukia and Matsumoto. "I'll entertain your friends while you're gone!"

"Yea, yea, whatever…" Ichigo mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pocket as he stomped up the stairs. He heard Hitsugaya and Renji groan again in disgust as he reached his room and switched on the light.

"What's going on down there?!" Kon shouted, jumping up and down on the bed. "Did I hear sweet Orihime and Rangiku's voices?"

"Yea." Ichigo said, opening the closet and throwing blankets onto the bed behind him. Kon tried, and failed, to dodge them.

"Hmm…would _I _be allowed to come down?" Kon asked. "Just for a little bit, I swear!"

Ichigo didn't even hesitate. "No."

"But, but!"

"No."

Kon sighed and sat down. "Jeez, Ichigo. You need to be nicer to people. Otherwise you're going to die a sad lonely old man."

"Whatever." Ichigo sighed, looking into the closet. There were no more blankets. Damn. They must be in Yuzu and Karin's closet. He left his room, tip-toeing into his sisters', who were already sound asleep in bed. Ichigo smiled as he left, three giant blankets tucked under his arm. He walked back into his room to retrieve the other blankets off his bed.

But the blankets were gone. And so was Kon.

"Damn it, Kon!" Ichigo had dropped the blankets and whirled around to fetch the little pervert from downstairs when was stopped in his tracks. There was a young girl standing in his doorway. She was floating, so obviously, she was a spirit.

"Hello." She said in a sweet, high-pitched voice as she bowed slightly. She looked like Ururu, from Urahara's shop, only her hair was a little shorter and whiter than Hitsugaya's. Her shining white clothes were a little raggedy and old looking, but nothing out of the ordinary. She looked to be only about ten, so Ichigo tried not to scare her.

"Hello. And who might you be?" Ichigo asked, kneeling in front of her.

She looked a little scared. "O-oh! Uh…I'm…" she scrunched up her face in concentration. "I'm…oh yea! I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past!"

"…what?" Ichigo asked, trying his hardest not to laugh.

"I've heard you haven't been very nice, Ichigo Kurosaki." She said, wagging her tiny finger at him, with a stern look on her face. "So, I'm here to help you."

"…yea…right…uh…" Ichigo stood up and shimmied past the girl. "Can you, uh, hang on a second?"

"Don't take long!" she warned. "Present doesn't like when I go overtime."

"Right…" Ichigo backed away towards the stairs. He reached the landing and called down. "Uh…Toshiro?"

"What?" came the snapped reply.

"Could…could you come up here for a second?" Ichigo asked.

"Why?" Hitsugaya asked.

"Do you need help?" Orihime called, as ready as ever to be of service.

"Um…sorta." Ichigo said. The girl suddenly peeked around the corner, staring at him intensely. "Toshiro, just get your ass up here, would you?!"

The girl shook her head. "We have _a lot _of work to do."

Ichigo heard Hitsugaya sigh. "_Fine_."

"Call me if you need, Taicho!" Matsumoto said cheerfully as Hitsugaya appeared at the bottom of the stairs. He looked annoyed.

"What, Ichigo?" he asked. Ichigo began to frantically point towards the girl, not like Hitsugaya could see her from the bottom of the stairs anyway.

"Ghost!" Ichigo whispered. How else was he supposed to describe it?

"Just send it to Soul Society. You know how." Hitsugaya began turning away.

"_Just come here, damn it!"_ Ichigo hissed. Hitsugaya glared icily at him, but he complied, slowly coming up the stairs. As he reached the top, Ichigo grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into his room, slamming the door behind them.

"Okay, what the hell do you want?" Hitsugaya asked, crossing his arms. Ichigo pointed.

"Her."

"What about her?"

Ichigo walked towards the girl, who was sitting on his bed, swinging her legs back and forth. "Go on. Tell Toshiro your name."

The girl looked straight at Toshiro, her blue eyes shining innocently. "Why, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past, of course." She looked back up at Ichigo. "But why do I have to tell _him_? He already knows my name."

"…_what?!_" Ichigo's head swiveled around to look at Hitsugaya. Realization dawned on his face.

"Damn it." he sighed, his face contorted into confusion and suspicion. He stared at her for a moment before closing his eyes. "I forgot about you guys."

"You already _know_ her?!" Ichigo snapped. "Since when?!"

"How long have you been here?" Hitsugaya asked the girl, ignoring Ichigo completely.

"A few minutes." She smiled at him. "Is he your friend?"

Hitsugaya glanced at Ichigo. "…sort of."

"He needs a lot of help." The girl sighed.

"Oh, shut up!" Ichigo said, crossing his arms and facing the closet. Hitsugaya rolled his eyes.

"Where are your friends?" Hitsugaya asked gently. "The Ghost of Christmas Present and the Ghost of Christmases Yet to Come?"

"Oh, they're off at someone else's house." She shrugged. "We do more than one person a night these days."

"Really?" Hitsugaya questioned. He sighed again. "Well, this isn't good."

Ichigo looked at him at the same time the little girl did. Simultaneously, they asked, "Why not?"

"Because it's not." Hitsugaya said turning around and opening the bedroom door. "Matsumoto! Abarai!"

"Coming!" Matsumoto sang. Obviously she was listening at the bottom of the stairs, for she came bounding into the room in a second. Renji, followed by Rukia and Orihime, came a few seconds later. "What's up?"

"We have a problem." Hitsugaya said, letting them pass him and closing the door. "_They're_ here."

The four looked at the girl on the bed, who waved. "Hello!"

"Aw, crap." Renji sighed.

"What?" Ichigo asked, as Orihime joined him in the corner.

"She shouldn't be here." Rukia said, examining the girl's face.

"Why?"

"Because they disappeared about fifty years ago." Matsumoto said, standing by the window and looking out.

"We didn't _disappear_." The girl giggled. "That's just what the old fart Yamamoto said."

Hitsugaya joined Matsumoto at the window. "These three spirits appear every five or ten years, 'helping' the miserable people of the world."

"Yea, I know the story." Ichigo said. "So what's so bad about them being around?"

"They were around last year…" Renji began.

The girl crossed her arms. "Is it a _problem_ that we want to help people two years in a row?!"

"…and they were captured last year." Renji finished. The girl twitched. "Because they scared some poor old woman to death. Literally. And then they tried to eat her soul."

Orihime and Ichigo looked at each other. Rukia cleared her throat. "Nii-sama was the arresting officer and I'm sure he wouldn't have let you out of prison because of good behavior."

The girl's confidence began to wane. "Look, it's not like we're doing anything bad right now…"

"How did you get out?" Hitsugaya asked.

The girl opened her mouth but closed it immediately. She shook her head and curled her legs onto the bed. She wasn't budging.

"We've got all night, kid." Matsumoto said with a grin. Suddenly, there was a bright yellow flash outside the window, blinding everyone in the room. When their vision returned, they could see a giant brown haired man in a green cape standing in the middle of the room.

"Oh-ho, Past! You were caught first I see!" he laughed.

The girl stood up. "How was I supposed to know this was a house full of shinigami?!"

Renji, who had been surprised by the flash, pulled out Zabimaru. "I'm assuming you're the Ghost of Christmas Present?"

"Please, just call me Present." The man said, bowing. "I'm very sorry that you found my friend here. She's not the brightest light on the tree, if you know what I mean!"

"Shut up, Present!" the girl – Past – muttered. "At least I didn't appear in the middle of a freakin' synagogue."

"You could appear in an atheist's home for all I care." Hitsugaya said. "The fact of the matter is, you shouldn't be here at all."

"One of life's little surprises, I guess!" Present laughed. "Now, who wants some wine?"

Matsumoto glanced pleadingly at her captain. He shook his head slightly. "What you did was considered Hollow-like. You're lucky Byakuya Kuchiki didn't execute all three of you on the spot."

"A little Christmas generosity." Present said, holding up a bottle. "Wine?"

"No," Hitsugaya said. "I think you'd better call your other friend here. We need to take you three back to Soul Society pronto."

Past sighed and sat on the bed. She stared angrily at Ichigo. "This is all _your_ fault, you know!"

"You have got to be kidding me." Ichigo muttered as Renji and Rukia forced Present to sit on the bed as well.

"It is!" Past cried. "If you hadn't called your white-haired captain friend over there, we could have been off seeing why you're such a bad person!"

"Ichigo's not a bad person!" Orihime squeaked.

"No, just a really angry person." Renji grinned. Ichigo scowled.

"And knowing your reputation for trickery," Rukia said, looking at Past. "I highly doubt you'd be showing him what his younger years were like. Besides, Ichigo's a little too young to be getting the Ebenezer Scrooge treatment, don't you think? He's only sixteen; I think he still remembers his past pretty damn well."

Past ignored her, curling up, once again, into her pouting ball on Ichigo's bed. Hitsugaya moved forward to perform the ritual of sending the spirits to Soul Society when Matsumoto stopped him. "Taicho, we've got company."

"Huh, Future must've finished early." Present said to Past. "That _never_ happens."

Matsumoto and Hitsugaya moved out of the way to allow the third spirit to enter the room. It slowly floated through the window, landing in the center of the floor with a soft thump. The black cape and hood covered its entire body. Ichigo cocked his head to look at it. "You…must be the Ghost of Christmases Yet to Come?"

The hood nodded. "Obviously," Present said quietly, nudging Matsumoto in the arm, "Future doesn't talk much."

"Which one of you actually killed that old woman?" Matsumoto asked as Hitsugaya whipped out his cell phone to send a report on the situation to Soul Society.

Present and Past looked at each other and shrugged. "All three I guess."

"It doesn't really matter anymore anyway." Renji said. "Now you're all wanted for escaping from prison."

"We were just tryin' to do a little good 'round the world." Present sighed. "And this is the thanks we get?"

"Well, when you kill someone and try to eat their soul, it kinda shadows all the good stuff." Rukia said. "And anyway, don't you think killing someone is taking it a little too far on the fear factor?"

"How could _all_ of you have killed her if you all show up at different times?" Hitsugaya pondered, finishing the report and closing his cell phone. Future cocked its head toward its friends on the bed. Past just looked at the floor. Present looked at the ceiling. Hitsugaya chuckled. "That's what I thought."

"Who'd have thought the Christmas Carol ghosts were capable of premeditated murder?" Ichigo asked. Orihime shrugged.

"Most dead legends don't become famous for being nice guys." Matsumoto said, finally giving in and taking the wine bottle from Present. "These guys included."

"What can I say?" Present said shrugging with his hands. "It gets a little boring after the first two or three centuries of helping people."

There was a beeping noise from Hitsugaya's phone. He opened it and smiled. "Yea, yea. Tell it to Byakuya."

"Ugh! That monotonous old soul with nothing better to do than pick one weaklings?" Present sighed. Renji immediately hit him on the head.

"Aw, do we have to send them off so soon?" Orihime said quietly. Everyone looked at her. "I mean, they've been out all night! They must be freezing! At least, before we hand them over to Byakuya, we could maybe give them something to eat or drink?"

"Now, you see? _There's_ some real Christmas spirit!" Past cried. "The good old virtues of giving without receiving! Making someone other than yourself happy! Jeez, what ever happened to those days?"

"We've always wondered that, too." Hitsugaya sighed. "We've been around just as long as you three have. We know the human race just as well as you do, too. So, don't go using Orihime's kindness to trick her into letting you go."

"Oh, look, Past! He defended his friend!" Present clapped. "Maybe we'll do some good this year after all!"

Hitsugaya sighed. Matsumoto smiled, holding out the wine bottle to him. "When's Kuchiki-taicho showing up again?"

"Generosity!" Present cried, bouncing on the bed. "Great Scott! Look how well we're doing, Past!"

"You haven't done anything yet." Renji said, taking the bottle from Matsumoto. "And Matsumoto, I don't think you should drink this, who knows what they put in it."

"Worried for a friend!" Past cheered. "That's something, right?"

"Sure! Why not!" Present said as he stood. He pointed to Orihime, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya and Renji, "Well, four outta six isn't too bad. Past, Future, I believe our work here is finished!"

"What _work_?" Ichigo asked, baffled by the whole scenario. "You didn't do anything but break into my house and sit on my bed!"

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say, human." Present said, patting Ichigo on the shoulder. "No need to thank us."

"I wasn't going to!" Ichigo shouted.

"Present, let's not overstay our welcome." Past said, standing.

"_You already did!"_ Ichigo hissed quietly, suddenly remembering Yuzu and Karin down the hall.

Past ignored him, walking towards Hitsugaya and Matsumoto by the window. "If you'll excuse us."

Without hesitation, Hitsugaya and Matsumoto moved away from the window as the young girl opened it. "Let's go guys. There's a bunch more humans to help tonight!"

Orihime helped Future off the floor. It nodded its thanks and followed its two friends out the window and into the cold night. "Are you serious?" Ichigo asked as Future disappeared in a blink. "After all the trouble they just caused, you going to let them go?"

"No." Hitsugaya said as he and Matsumoto shared a smile. "Think of it as a little 'Christmas generosity.'"

Rukia, Renji and Ichigo looked at each other while Orihime gathered the long forgotten blankets off the floor. "What do you mean, Hitsugaya-taicho?" Renji asked.

Hitsugaya held up his phone. "Remember the message I got from Soul Society?" He pressed a button and the screen lit up with a grid of the city, a pulsing pink dot right in the middle. "It said that Byakuya would be waiting three blocks over."

Sure enough, three seconds later, a pink whirlwind flew over the rooftops. Byakuya suddenly flashed onto a nearby house. Matsumoto leaned out the window, waving. "Merry Christmas, Kuchiki-taicho!"

Hitsugaya turned away, heading out of the room. "I'm hungry."

Everyone followed. Right before Ichigo turned away, he saw the giant pink fist throwing the Ghost of Christmas Past high into the air. "You know what?" he said as Matsumoto tugged on his sleeve.

"Hm?" she hummed as she hopped down the stairs.

Ichigo smiled. "I think Byakuya is enjoying his Christmas present."

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**Oh, how I adore randomosity! **

**Oh dear, I may have implied some more HitsuMatsu. Whoops-ee!**

**No, I don't know where Kon went. Cowering under the bed perhaps?**

**Hope you enjoy! Reviews **_**always**_** welcome!**

_**BlackAngel**_


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